The last few weeks of research have been quite introspective and I’ve discovered more about myself and psychology. I recently learned that when your body is in fight or flight mode for extended periods of time, it signals to itself to shut down, this stems from the primal response to fear and potential threats, it’s the body’s natural way of conserving energy and protecting ourselves when we are unable to fight or flee. At this point the body shuts down and plays dead: this is called Dorsal Vagal Shutdown or hypo arousal which occurs in the face of overwhelming stress and anxiety (How, 2024). This can lead to feelings of apathy and numbness, a lack of desire and demotivation. I found this to be particularly true. When I look back at my life and how nervous and anxious I was growing up. I had a bit of a chaotic household and I felt unsettled everywhere I went, everything felt like a threat, I think to some extent this was also due to health problems and being neurodivergent but my surroundings and environments brought me a lot of stress and I think ultimately my mind and body just shut off in an attempt to keep me safe. I often think this apathy stems from a traumatic upbringing where your mind forces itself to shut off so that you can’t feel anymore. Although to some extent this was useful to me, I do still feel deeply about things but also very apathetic towards things that should probably evoke strong positive feelings.
I recently got diagnosed with cirrhosis and although this was huge news and the nurse was telling me its possible I will need a liver transplant. I felt nothing but numbness towards what she was saying. I feel like I have gone through a lot of trauma throughout my life and this was just another thing to add to the list. I’m still processing it but I felt my response maybe should have been different. And this is the reality of this condition. You often feel nothing which in some cases is a relief and useful but in other circumstances it can be quite troubling.
I also found through my research that people who had traumatic experiences growing up and who didn’t have a refuge or a safe place to talk about their issues often self-soothed and were more prone to alcohol and substance abuse as well as eating disorders (Hatzigiakoumis et al., 2011). This is also true for anhedonia. The more research I did about this condition the more I was able to work out why I was feeling this way and how I could help myself. For a long time I had mixed feelings about this condition, you often feel selfish and self-centred, this can be quite alienating. Feeling completely disconnected from life and your surroundings can lead to such inner turmoil and the more research I did, the more I was able to work out why I went down certain paths. (Frewen, Dozois and Lanius, 2012) state that anhedonia can occur as a result of intense stress and trauma and although individuals struggle to feel positive emotions they often feel negative emotions very deeply such as anxiety, grief and sadness which can lead to frustration and chronic stress. People then self soothe with substances that give them temporary relief from the indifference and negative feelings associated with this condition.
I know I’m not supposed to get too personal with this writing and this blog but I’ve found the research very fascinating and it’s helped me realise that my case isn’t an isolated case and that I shouldn’t be too hard on myself for the way my life has turned out. The research has shown that there is a correlation between anhedonia and substance abuse and I found this really resonant and almost a weight off my shoulders. I’ve always been told that I was too emotional, too sensitive and that I’ve done this to myself and in a way that’s true but the level of trauma some people have to deal with can be unbearable.
I looked into coping mechanisms for anhedonia and suggestions often including participating in sensory activities, getting involved with nature as well as engaging with creative activities like art therapy (Hu et al., 2021). All of which have helped me immensely. That said I’m not much of an outdoorsy person but I have found that creative activities such as designing and writing my social media blogs help with this condition. For me design is a therapeutic way of engaging the mind and transporting it into different more peaceful realm. This can be somewhat addictive and is a welcome distraction from the condition. Additionally, the condition is treated with antipsychotic medications as well as stimulants and antidepressants. With that being said, although, I’m grateful to be on my medication and it has improved my life significantly, I didn’t want to cover medication too much in my research as It would have taken me in a more scientific direction which I would have found less engaging. I wanted to explore how creative activities, immersive experiences and sensory experiences helped to alleviate the symptoms. Of course sometimes medicine is a great intervention but for me it’s somewhat depressing and a last resort.
I wanted to create something almost magical and sensory that resonates with the darkness that we often feel. I have found great comfort and solace in shows and films that portray darker stories, I think this is partly because the feelings these shows evoke resonate with me. I think if you can make something emotionally resonant it doesn’t always have to necessarily be positive, upbeat and jovial. I often feel a strong aversion to these types of films because I don’t think they reflect the reality of life and the human condition.
I based my final piece on a girl who supposedly has schizophrenia, I tried to make the story dark and foreboding but in all honesty I’m just a bit embarrassed at how amateur the whole thing was in the end. I recently went to see the film Longlegs in the cinema which I had much anticipated but in the end it was very disappointing, the pacing was slow, it wasn’t particularly scary and definitely wasn’t the best horror of the decade. It did however look cinematically stunning. With that in mind I realized maybe I had been too harsh a critic and that it’s often really difficult to create something both entertaining, deep and stylistically beautiful and I don’t think I achieved any of those things.
I chose for my main character to be an artist. This was something I thought was fitting for her character. My story introduces the character as a bright passionate artist who struggles with mental health issues. I specifically chose for her to be an artist because I felt it was fitting based on my research into arts therapy as treatment for psychiatric conditions. I also chose for the mother in the film to have overbearing qualities where she would mask her overprotective characteristics through acts that resembled acts of love and care such as providing meals for the protagonist. In hindsight I think I could have probably fleshed this part out a little bit. The character development in my final film was pretty poor and executed really badly. I felt that I didn’t have enough time to portray the characters and their personalities well enough to add depth to the story. This was largely because I spent so much time trying to lengthen the text slides so that they were readable which left little time for character development. I think my script was quite rushed and didn’t detail enough information about specific scenes. I tried to incorporate clips of the father in the film dressed in a biblical fashion. This may have seemed a bit disjointed at the start but I wanted to portray him as the kind father figure he was and that his cryptic messages were actually signs from beyond the grave.
I think another thing I failed to do was give her hallucinations some kind of significance. I felt as though I possibly just used unnecessary jump scares and creepy imagery where I could have been literal. I’m not sure the imagery I chose to use was very relevant or significant.
I wanted to make this more of a psychological thriller as opposed to a horror. Although I’m somewhat into the horror genre I do find that the psychological thrillers often leave you with a lingering feeling long after you’ve watched them which Is what I’ve gone for. Admittedly, I don’t think I achieved this and again my outcome seems really amateur.
For my final video I wanted it to be a combination of both the immersive experience as well as a film. What I did was combine the two so you would get a feel for the immersive experience as well as follow along with the film narrative. I did this by including clips of the experience as well as annotations and text slides as to what happens in the experience as well as the film. I tried to be more descriptive with my wording for the film as I wanted you to be able to get a feel for the sensory components of the experience such as the smells that would be emitted from the cooking food. I also added food to the experience to add to the immersion. I also added in sound effects such as demonic whispering and laughter to add to the foreboding nature of the film. I experimented in after effects adding in different atmospheric elements such as smoke, flickering lighting and holograms. I feel I was a bit out of my depth with this. I have been learning after effects on and off for a year or so but I’ve found my progress to be frustratingly slow and only really know the basics, I do push myself to learn every now and then but I find making static graphics more engaging, that said my topic was based on film and so I felt motion design was the right choice to reflect the nature of my topic.
Overall I wasn’t sure If my final outcome really related to my area of research. I did a lot of research into horror experiences and found that horror films can be a good way of alleviating apathy, mainly because of the acoustic startle responses and fight or flight modes activated during scary films. I think my choice to combine horror with an immersive experience was a good choice and something uniquely different to my research. I did focus on making the experience as sensory rich as possible but of course it isn’t tangible or palpable when watching a film which is why I tried to describe in depth the sensory parts of the experience and how they would add to the immersion such as temperature drops and atmospheric smoke.
I went for a deep monotone grey color scheme that I felt reflected the dark nature of the film. I also wanted the imagery to stylistically resemble drawings, paintings and artwork. I included a lot of artwork throughout the experience , some of which I attempted to make move from the walls as part of the protagonists hallucinations.
I do feel that I diverged away from the intended direction in the way that my films themes didn’t really reflect much of my research. I think I was more focused on it being a horror and how I could keep people engaged.
Some of my peers said that they would have preferred to have more motion design in the film as opposed to text, they said it could be tiring reading the text and disengaging but I felt that my text was a necessary method to guide you through the experience. Additionally, my skillset isn’t in filmmaking and I felt this would be too much work to do in the space of six months.
I had recently watched Boat Story (2024) and was inspired by their vintage text slides and thought this would be useful in my film. I’m a big lover of artistry in film and I thought this was a clever way to make the series more stylistic.
. I also found the film poor things to be stylistically excellent, I wasn’t that engaged with the storyline although I would say it was quite dark but cinematically it looked gorgeous and unique, and transported you into the childlike mind of the protagonist where the colors were bright and vivid and the visuals were dreamlike and fantastical.
I also thoroughly enjoyed the film saltburn and this was quite an inspiration to me. There were so many elements to this film that made it stylistically unique and different to anything I’ve seen. The film was shot in 4:3 which gave the impression of peeping in and also resembled an Instagram post. The title sequence was equally beautiful, where the hand drawn, gothic hand lettering gave you a taste of what’s to come. I found the whole film to be a delight to the senses. There were so many shock value scenes that although quite vulgar made it more entertaining.
Longlegs (2024) although disappointing, I found to be cinematically very striking and resembled films like hereditary (2018) and silence of the lambs (1991). Longlegs used a dark and cold color grading mixed in with deep reds to reflect the foreboding nature of the film and well reflected its serial killer theme. There were some really nice shots of the investigation boards involved in the crime scenes that made me reflect on the artistry and design that goes on in the background to create such visually striking shots.
Although I had chosen specifically to go with a horror experience I do think that immersive experiences of different genres could work well for this project due to its sensory nature. I often find emotionally evocative films to be engaging regardless of the genre the only different with horror is the sensation of fear that it evokes.
I also found through my research that anhedonia can be treated with music therapy (Braun Janzen et al., 2019). This study showed that music likely works by engaging neural pathways associated with reward and emotion, which are often impaired in people suffering from depression and anhedonia. By stimulating these pathways, music can help restore some of the brain's natural ability to experience pleasure and joy. It also showed that music could be tailored to individual preferences or designed to evoke specific emotional responses. Generally, music that is uplifting, soothing, or emotionally resonant with the listener tends to be most beneficial in such interventions.
For my project I chose music that was emotionally resonant for me. I like moody, ethereal, alternative tunes that evoke a sense of nostalgia and help me to gather and process my emotions. I don’t often listen to lyrics and I find that I often resonate with melodies as opposed to lyrics, Anything too wordy or without a melodical tune I am quite averse to. I picked artists like Vanbur and Sea power because I felt that their music had a sort of mystical, ethereal vibe that paired well with the film. I didn’t want to choose anything too wordy as it would detract from the storyline and could be quite distracting. I’m a big fan of the blockbuster type epic, otherworldly music with crescendos. The slow progressive increase in intensity is something that resonates with me because it feels similar to a release of emotion.
For example The song "Now We Are Free" from the Gladiator soundtrack, composed by Hans Zimmer and Lisa Gerrard, is a captivating and emotive piece that beautifully encapsulates the film's themes of victory, sorrow, and liberation. The track showcases a beautiful combination of orchestral music and Gerrard's mesmerising, otherworldly vocals, sung in a unique, improvised language. The song possesses a timeless and universal quality, allowing it to evoke emotion.Overall, "Now We Are Free" evokes strong emotions and creates a captivating atmosphere that I feel perfectly captures the spirit of Gladiator. It perfectly combines feelings of sadness and tranquilly, leaving a profound impression on anyone who listens.
I found the soundtrack for One Day (2024) to be really emotionally evocative and transported me back to my early 20’s. The soundtrack is a masterful blend of contemporary and nostalgic tracks that perfectly encapsulate the emotional depth and nuanced storytelling of the film and I found it really clever how they matched up each song with its corresponding year in time in the film. Below is one of my favourites tracks from the soundtrack that made it super emotionally resonsant for me.
I’ve learnt a lot over the last few weeks, quite a lot about anhedonia but interestingly also a lot about myself, my motivations and why I am like I am. I found out many interesting points about mental health, addiction and trauma and I found out a lot about how important design, research and artistic direction are in making a film both entertaining and meaningful. I’ve realised that making a film is a multifaceted and sometimes quite tedious process with many layers and much to learn and take into consideration. I don’t think people quite appreciate the effort that goes into making a film and I think a lot of people don’t see beyond the aesthetics. This process has opened up my eyes to the magical realm of film!
References
Braun Janzen, T., Al Shirawi, M.I., Rotzinger, S., Kennedy, S.H. and Bartel, L. (2019). A Pilot Study Investigating the Effect of Music-Based Intervention on Depression and Anhedonia. Frontiers in Psychology, 10. doi:https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01038.
Frewen, P.A., Dozois, D.J.A. and Lanius, R.A. (2012). Assessment of anhedonia in psychological trauma: psychometric and neuroimaging perspectives. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 3(1), p.8587. doi:https://doi.org/10.3402/ejpt.v3i0.8587.
Hatzigiakoumis, D.S., Martinotti, G., Giannantonio, M.D. and Janiri, L. (2011). Anhedonia and Substance Dependence: Clinical Correlates and Treatment Options. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 2. doi:https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2011.00010.
How, S. (2024). Insights of a Neurodivergent Clinician. [online] Insights of a Neurodivergent Clinician . Available at: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/dorsal-vagal-shutdown#:~:text=Dorsal%20Vagal%20Shutdown%2C%20also%20known [Accessed 8 Aug. 2024].
Hu, J., Zhang, J., Hu, L., Yu, H. and Xu, J. (2021). Art therapy: A complementary treatment for mental disorders. Frontiers in Psychology, [online] 12(34456801). doi:https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.686005.