So, these last two weeks have been a bit of a blur. I wasn’t really sure which direction I was taking this project in. I had so many ideas and the more I researched the more doors it opened to new information which became a bit overwhelming if I’m honest. I know that research is a big part of this final project, but I just felt as though it was becoming more of a science research project than a design one. I needed some reassurance that what I was doing was right.
Previously for my project proposal, I decided that I was going to explore both anhedonia ( a lack of ability to feel pleasure during activities that people normally find pleasurable) and hyperesthesia ( a heightened sensitivity to stimuli) (Yang et al., 2022) I realise in hindsight that choosing to research both of these was a bit silly. Although I had managed to somewhat condense my research objectives, after delving into these conditions, it was clear that I just wasn’t going to cover both these conditions comprehensively and in enough depth. One of the main struggles I had when researching these conditions was that people with hyperesthesia often fall under the category of neurodivergence (BSc, 2021) and although that in itself is an interesting topic, it was just too complex and in depth and would need a project for itself. Additionally, people with this condition often experience sensory overload, which when considering a sensory experiential project, might be quite problematic. (www.acquiredbraininjury-education.scot.nhs.uk, n.d.)
I decided I was going to go down the anhedonia route. After my talk with Ben, it was clear that I hadn’t been completely transparent about my project objectives in my research proposal, not only that I had missed out the citations. We discussed writing a clear description of my objectives in the pdf so that the reader would have a clear understanding of my intentions. Ben was unclear of my research objectives and the design response I was going to create. He also asked me to be more specific about my research focus. Anhedonia as expressed by Yang et al., (2022) is comprised of different categories mainly social and physical, one being that people find social interactions difficult and derive no pleasure and the physical category means that people derive no pleasure from everyday activities. I realised I needed to be clearer on which condition I was talking about in order to focus the research and design something more specific.
These last couple of weeks I felt I wasted quite a lot of time, I was unsure about what we were supposed to be including in this part of the phase. I looked through previous pdfs and still couldn’t find any inspiration for the structure as everyone’s projects were different. I decided I wanted to go with what felt right at the time and something that reflected the autoethnographic element to my project. I wanted to make it more personalised and reflective of my experiences. At this point I had no idea of what my final outcome would be. I had done so much research and I had a few ideas but nothing set in stone.
This week I looked into creators with depression. I thought that including people with lived experiences of it would enrich my stories. I looked into Charlie Brooker who I am a big fan of. I love his work because there is a darkness to it that resonates with me strongly. His work often includes scenes of shock value and of a dark nature that has you glued to your seat. I am not a big fan of sci-fi but Brooker tells dystopian narratives really well and his pieces are always reflective of the human condition. I looked into his experience of anhedonia and it resonated with my own. He talks about feeling a vacuousness that consumes you and that affects you in every aspect of your life. His experience of feeling apathetic to experiences mirrored my own experiences.
This week after looking into Charlie Brooker, I reflected on my own feelings of apathy and a sense of disconnect from the world. I often feel like a nobody and I’ve found that this often diffuses into my work. This feeling of vacuousness often consumes me and I wonder if that is coming across in my interactions with people. But on reflecting on the similar feelings Brooker was feeling, it’s hard to comprehend that he might be feeling the same way too, as his achievements and work are cherished and unique and it got me thinking of the quote from the film the imitation game
“Sometimes it is the people who no one imagines anything of who do the things that no one can imagine.”
I also looked into other film makers and directors and artists such as David lynch, Stanley Kubrick and Vincent Van gogh, all of whom shared commonalities in their work. They all expressed their grief through dark and dreamlike narratives and artwork. Lynch’s work is often bizarre and otherworldly, Kubrick’s work touches on dark characteristics of the human condition. There seems to be a running theme for artists experiencing depression and anhedonia and that is that they channel this darkness into dreamlike, surreal visuals and narratives. I often find that these stories of darkness resonate with me and leave a lingering feeling that makes you contemplate how we see this world.
The more I researched into Anhedonia, the more I was able to reflect on myself, experiences and outlook on life. I found it quite amusing that many of the studies asserted that anhedonia correlates with psychopathy (Snaith, 1993). I deduced that I must be a sociopath although I do find my feelings of apathy quite troubling.
This week I reached out to film producers and asked them various questions to do with my project, I wanted to find out if they also had sensory experiences with film, if they felt as compelled as I did when watching films and what inspired them to get into film. I found that they had similar experiences to me. Often their motivation to get into film was that they had experiences and stories that they felt were worth sharing. It was these transformational experiences that led them down that path. We talked about my project and how I could enhance the sensory experience in film, sound was a common suggestion and that there are new technologies looking into how to develop soundscapes for films that are more immersive. As great as these suggestions were, the practicalities of actually incorporating these into my work just weren’t feasible. That said sound and film scores are a huge part of my sensory experiences with films and after my talk with Ben this week, I realised that I could incorporate a speculative immersive sound experience into my final outcome if I were to develop some kind of exhibition experience.
Ben advised me to look into sensory experiences with film outside of the cinema such as the weather project and pipolotti Rist. For some reason, I hadn’t got around to researching experiences yet as I wasn’t sure of what my final outcome would be yet, but I will spend the last few weeks of this phase researching into experiences.
This week I had so much work to do outside of the course that I just didn’t have enough time for this project. I had a couple of hours to myself where I tried to sit down and relax to a film which I thought would be part of my research, but I just couldn’t switch off. I tried to watch a film called past lives, a Korean film about two friends who become separated when the girl and her family move to new York. Something just felt really slow and disengaging about this film, not only that I found that as it was subtitled, I spent more time focusing on what I was reading as opposed to the storyline and missed the nuances in what was being said. I think also the cultural differences were quite apparent and I just couldn’t connect with the storyline. I noted how I was feeling before I watched the film, which I thought was quite important for my journalling, as I’ve realised that emotions before viewing can often dictate how engaged I am with something. On a separate day I sat down to watch all quiet on the western front. Again something about this just didn’t engage me and I think it was how I was feeling prior to watching it. I had covid and I couldn’t concentrate so the story just went over the top of my head. I just couldn’t get my brain to switch off. But I included my reflections in my journalling.
This week I brainstormed some speculative ideas for my final outcomes. One would be that I would have a sensory subscription box with tactile elements such as scents, fabrics and soundtracks and the other idea was that I would design some kind of platform where the platform recommends films based on personal preferences and how you are feeling. I thought these were quite strong ideas, that said I’m not a master at UX design and so designing a website felt well out of my comfort zone and I wanted to create something that would showcase my current skillset. After my discussion with Ben, he gave me some ideas on how I could direct this project. Bens’s work studies the intersection between film and space, something that I find quite intriguing and is quite fitting for this project. He suggested I do some kind of sensory, experiential exhibition space. After consideration I think this is much more of an exciting direction than a sensory box, its speculative and feasible and something I would like to explore. I was thinking for the experience I would have a big screen that displays a few different title sequences or short films of different genres, and then I could include different sensory fabrics, scents and tangible items in a public space that would get people engaging and immersed in my project, similar to 4d. It seems like quite a big task, but it seems like the right direction to go in based on my research into sensory experiences.
References
Yang, X., Casement, M.D., Keenan, K., Hipwell, A.E., Guyer, A.E. and Forbes, E.E. (2022). Physical and social anhedonia in female adolescents: A factor analysis of self-report measures. Emotion, 22(8), pp.1828–1840. doi:https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000843.
BSc, A.R.D., BA (2021). Hyperesthesia and Autism. [online] Autism Parenting Magazine. Available at: https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/hyperesthesia-autism/.
www.acquiredbraininjury-education.scot.nhs.uk. (n.d.). Sensory Overload (‘Hypersensitivity’) after Acquired Brain Injury – Scottish Acquired Brain Injury Network – e-learning. [online] Available at: https://www.acquiredbraininjury-education.scot.nhs.uk/impact-of-abi/sensory-overload-hypersensitivity/.
Snaith, P. (1993). Anhedonia: a neglected symptom of psychopathology. Psychological Medicine, 23(4), pp.957–966. doi:https://doi.org/10.1017/s0033291700026428.