As I approach the end of this term, I find myself reflecting deeply on the journey that this project has taken me on. This has been a unique and, at times, challenging experience, as it required me to blend my passion for film with a critical and academic approach to design. While the outcome has been rewarding, the path was anything but straightforward.
At the outset, I was excited to dive into a project that combined my love for film with my interest in design and psychology. I’ve always been fascinated by how films can evoke powerful emotions and provoke deep thought, and I wanted to explore this further, particularly in relation to my own experiences with anhedonia. Anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure in normally enjoyable activities, is something I have struggled with, and I was curious to see if there was a connection between my condition and my attraction to certain types of films, particularly horror.
However, I quickly realized that my initial approach was too broad. I began by journaling on a wide range of genres, from psychological thrillers like "Black Swan (2010)" and "A Beautiful Mind (2001) to emotionally complex dramas like American Beauty (1999) and Six Feet Under (2005) My aim was to identify common themes across these genres, such as the use of cinematic techniques to evoke specific emotional responses. While this approach provided a rich tapestry of insights, it also made my messaging somewhat convoluted. It wasn’t immediately clear why I was focusing on such a diverse array of films when my ultimate goal was to explore the potential of horror as a treatment for anhedonia.
This lack of focus made the research phase particularly time-consuming and, frankly, a bit overwhelming. I often found myself lost in the details, unsure of how to connect the dots between my broad research and the more specific question I wanted to answer. As a result, the joy I usually find in creative work began to diminish, replaced by a sense of frustration and fatigue. I questioned whether I had chosen the right topic, whether the research I was conducting was credible, and whether I had the expertise to draw meaningful conclusions from it.
Despite these challenges, I persevered, and as I began to narrow my focus to the horror genre, things started to fall into place. I realized that horror, with its ability to evoke visceral, immediate reactions, might indeed hold a unique potential for engaging individuals who, like me, struggle with anhedonia. However, the horror films I chose to study initially were not as engaging as I had hoped, which further complicated my efforts to build a strong case for horror as a therapeutic tool. This realization was disappointing, but it also underscored the importance of refining my research and being more selective in my case studies.
One of the most significant hurdles I faced was the critical report. Condensing my research into a coherent narrative that clearly communicated my findings was incredibly difficult. I had to continuously refine my work, stripping away extran details while ensuring that the core insights remained intact. This process was tedious, and by the end, I found myself so drained that I simply handed it in, knowing it wasn’t my best work but unable to push myself any further. In hindsight, I recognize that this fatigue was a result of my broader struggles with the project, particularly the challenges of balancing creative passion with academic rigor.
Given all of these factors, I know that the final piece is most likley not my best work. The immersive experience I designed could have been more engaging, and the connections I drew between horror and anhedonia could have been more robust. But despite these shortcomings, I’m proud that I made it so far. This project has taught me a great deal—not just about film and design, but about resilience, focus, and the importance of aligning my work with my personal interests and struggles.
As I move forward, I’m left with a mix of emotions. There’s satisfaction in having completed the project, but also a sense of unfinished business. I know there’s more to explore in the intersection of design, film, and psychology, and perhaps this is just the beginning of a longer journey. I’m also more aware than ever of the importance of focusing my efforts and being clear about my objectives from the outset. In the future, I hope to take these lessons into new projects, finding ways to combine my creative passions with meaningful, impactful work.