Journal 16/02/2023
I started this project not only because of my love for film but I thought it would be an introspective look into myself and my connection with film. I wanted to take a deeper and more nuanced look into film spectatorship and the techniques used to evoke emotion and sentiment. Prior to this, if I’m honest, I was a bit naïve about what was going on behind the scenes. After my chat with Ben, I felt a strong sense of confusion about what my project was actually about but after undertaking some of the research, it became clear that I most likely wouldn’t ever look at film in the same way again. My normal response to an emotionally evocative film would be that they somehow magically and unintentionally managed to create something spectacularly emotionally resonant just by chance. Little did I know that there’s actually a lot of psychological research and technical knowledge going on behind the scenes. Movies have always been a form of escapism for me. I struggle with feelings of detachment and emotional blunting due to my mental health conditions and sometimes this can be incredibly isolating. I often catch myself wishing I could connect with friends and people the way that other people do without difficulty, of course this may just be me looking at situations in a black and white way from an outsiders perspective but I have found that the emotions I lack when it comes to real interactions, friendships and connections, I feel strongly when conveyed in film and I wanted to know why this was and why I take so much comfort in these stories and narratives and if other people feel the same way.
My experience with film and my condition anhedonia (the loss of ability to feel pleasure) has deepened my connection with film. On reflection, I have noticed that I am more connected to films where the stories reflect real life and emotions. I have noticed a strong sense of disconnection to sci- fi and fantasy. I think this is largely because I can’t connect with storylines that are too farfetched and don’t reflect reality, but I can understand from other perspectives that this might be a form of escapism for them. I often find I have a heightened sensitivity to films which involve human connection and emotion, in addition to this, I find films with evocative soundtracks to be more emotionally resonant. That said sometimes I find when the soundtrack is too emotionally resonant and familiar, I experience a heightened sense of emotion which can sometimes lead to sensory overload. On reflection, I’ve realised that our experiences shape our engagement with film, which makes it easier to connect with the storylines and characters. I have also noticed that I seem to connect more with highly rated and received films as opposed to easy watching lower rated tv shows and films. This may seem like I’m stating the obvious, but I have noticed a pattern and sense of detachment from shows that haven’t been well received and I think this project will be able to explain why.
This project intends to investigate how film experiences can be enhanced to maximize emotional engagement and sensory resonance for individuals with anhedonia. I think I would like to explore different methods of storytelling techniques in my work that would reflect or more personal autoethnographic story of my findings. I would need to consider ethical implications of my research, particularly in terms of representing the experiences of individuals with anhedonia in a respectful and responsible manner. I would also need to ensure that my autoethnographic exploration is sensitive to the diverse perspectives and experiences within this population.
Film: Saltburn
I’d been browsing through social media and I’d seen a lot of Praise for the film Saltburn, It had been on my list to watch but honestly, I had no idea what it was about other than two friends meeting at University. I was a big fan of Emerald Fennel and I had really resonated with her previous film ‘promising young woman’. So, I thought this will be right up my street and I tell you what, it didn’t disappoint. The only slight issue I had with this film was its dark and sexual nature which was a bit uncomfortable given that I had asked my dad to watch it with me. There were a lot of shock value scenes, including awkward sexual scenes that made me question whether I was too conservative and whether I was completely out of touch with gen Z. I’d noticed that they are quite candid about sexuality and experiences, and I felt a strong disconnect from these parts of the film although, hats off to fennel, it was definitely memorable. I did find myself desperately trying not to engage with my dad whilst watching the film, the bath scene alongside the grave scenes were something that left a bit of a stain on my memory, but I must admit as uncomfortable as I was watching it, something about the cinematography, location, score and casting just had me glued to the screen. I noticed that Fennel pushed lots of artistic boundaries with this film, it was even filmed in 4:3 format to resemble that of an Instagram post which reflected subliminal messages in the film.
There was a scene where there were a group of people out dancing and drinking and there was something about this scene that just brought up a lot of feelings of intense nostalgia, the evocative music really set the scene and framed the character in a way that made him seem more desirable and made the scene more compelling.
This resonated with me deeply because it visually expressed the escapism that I felt when I was drinking. Connections felt genuine, life felt amazing and euphoric. Interactions felt magical and you felt a deep connection with people. People seemed so interesting and mysterious. Life suddenly felt worth living. This scene reminded me of my experiences in my younger years where I drank a lot, it brought up a lot of mixed feelings about friendships that were made when drunk and the magic of euphoria. The scene plays out where the characters get to know each other on a deeper level. The evocative soundtrack during this scene creates a sense of nostalgia and helps create a bond with the characters.
I didn’t really feel very affected my anhedonia today, the film was very compelling and had me engaged throughout, everything about this film resonated with me, I think largely because the soundtrack was evocative and included a lot of the music I used to listen to in my late teens, early 20’s. I was a big fan of brit pop/indie/alternative and this really helped set the scene for me as well as build a sense of nostalgia for my time at university.
Despite the dark nature of this film, I thoroughly enjoyed it and found it to be a delight to the senses, the emotional score, riveting subject matter and artistic expression pushed a lot of boundaries in film and I think Emerald Fennel is a really fearless and talented director. I also think that this has given me some inspiration for my final project. Fennel’s use of bold artistic techniques has made me question whether I need to create something tangible, where instead I could use similar techniques for engagement.
